Another one of the Herd is graduating this year, my 1st born of my 3 biological children will graduate in a short 2 months time. I remember clearly getting ready to have her and being so scared. I had no clue how to raise a child but I was sure having one! I think she has turned out alright, all things considered. I mean she broke a few bones and got a few bruises along the way but she is a smart, happy, beautiful young lady so I guess I figured it out! Here is my little girl, all grown up!
She has such a future ahead of her and I am so proud to be her Momma but I have to admit, its killing me the thought of her leaving home and venturing out into that big scary world. She has always been fearless and head strong, qualities I know will serve her well as she heads out into adulthood. She is going to be going pre-med and plans to be a flight medic/firefighter....yeah, that's not helping the worry factor any but I cannot deny her passion and I never would! Just have to pray really hard and try to trust God will watch over my Mac. He loves her even more than I do if you can believe that!
Hoss has been hired by LSU to be an instructor for their fire school program. I cannot tell you how excited he is about this and I am too! I am just so proud of all he has managed to accomplish all while working 2 jobs and helping raise a small army of kids with me. This new position could mean big things for him down the line but even if he never goes any higher, he is so in his element teaching firefighting to newbies! He LOVES to train people to be the best that they can be and he will be right at home with LSU doing that for sure!
We are still house hunting. We are so ready to have our own house again! Starting to think that it is just never going to happen and I get discouraged some days, The housing market here is just so insane! We looked at one house and it has no central heat/air, no washer/dryer hook ups, needed to be rewired and plumbed, hadn't been updated since it was built in the 1940's! Lets not even mention the cleaning up outside that needed to be done and they wanted $90K for it!!! I refuse to pay that for a house I will have to put that much into to make it livable! It's just crazy here, you have no idea. Things in our price range are rat holes or they are gone as soon as they are up for sale! Its been almost 4 years of looking and nothing.....until now.
We are trying to purchase a house but it is not a done deal yet! I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up but oh Lord, I want this house!!! I am so worried it is not going to come to be and then I worry I am worrying for nothing!! In case you haven't noticed, my designation in this family is Chief Worrier! We are just trying to trust that if this house is what God wants for us, it will happen. If not, something else will. It's so hard to be patient.
We have been dealing with a wayward child for awhile too. I am not going into detail there just know she was raised right, but chooses to ignore her raising these days and it is causing a lot of stress for her Dad and I. Nothing we can do about it because she is out of the house but pray and let her figure it out on her own. Man that sucks, do you hear me?? It sucks! Please say a prayer for parents everywhere with wayward children, and pray for that child too. They need the help!
Today I ordered a book marker with my sweet Grandmother's obituary on it. It's kind of a thing in my family to have these little cardstock mementoes, if you will, of our loved ones. I never got one after her funeral in October. Not sure if my mother didn't order any or if she just failed to give me one, either way today I order one for myself and one for each of my children. I wanted one and well, I don't need my mother to get it for me. I miss my Grandmother everyday and I cry a lot in private because I just have days where the grief is too much. She was my rock and I miss her terribly.
Still very much struggling with the drama that is my mother, some things I think will just always be the way they are. I cannot make her love me and be a real mother and I have grown so tired of chasing her love and I am done. I deserve better. She doesn't know the person she is missing out on and I hate that for her. I don't hate it for me because I have been blessed with so many other mothers in my life and I know what a mother's love is thanks to those women! I know someday she will need me when her world crumbles and time will show her. Pray for her, she needs it.
While all this is weighing on me, both good and bad things surrounding us, I know in my heart that I am stressed but so blessed as well! Things can always be worse and I try do hard to be thankful for the wonderful things I have been given. God is with us and He loves us so much. He has blessed this family beyond measure!! We praise Him in the sunshine and the rain!!
Have a good weekend everyone! Know we love you all and life is good!
Love From Louisiana,
Sandy
