I have been really struggling with happiness this week. Others seem intent on messing with my happiness. People who are so unhappy and miserable that they cannot stand to see others enjoying life and having the happiness they so lack, so they invent way to cause trouble. Some of those people will likely read this and they know who they are, no need for me to point them out. I know, my husband knows, they know and more importantly, God knows who they are and He will deal with them in His own time, of that I am certain.
Tonight, I was here in my office attempting to blog and while I am normally full of things to say, I found myself unable to write a thing. I was so consumed with frustration and anger over the weeks events that I just couldn't make a coherent paragraph to save my life. Then it happened.
I was singing along to some Billy Joel and I had it kind of loud I suppose. I was seated, fingers at the keyboard, when I hear this voice behind me. I turned to find my 14 year old son, singing along with me and Billy Joel to "Movin' Out". He had come in the office at some point, never said a word to me, just sat on the red stool that sits behind me to my left and just sat with me, singing along. This went on for a few songs, then a song that I used to sing to him as a little guy, "Godspeed" by the Dixie Chicks came on, and while he didn't remember the song at first, he sat and listened as I sang it to him one more time. I told him how he used to ask every night for "Pajamas on the couch, Mama!" (one of the lines from the song) and how I would sing it and tuck him in his bed. He just laid his curly head onto my shoulder and smiled at me. For a small moment I saw my precious little boy again. It was Heaven.
We sat for the next hour or so digging through my old Cd's and listening to songs that I had no idea he had even heard of let alone knew. We sang everything from The Lumineers & Adele to Merle Haggard & Huey Lewis & the News. At one point he grabbed a Jim Croce cd and said "Hey that's mine! I wondered where it went!" Song after song, we sang and I told him about this one and that one. How this was my favorite at his age, or how that one was special because of the memory it brought back. And he just listened and sang along with his 'ol Mom. It's like he knew I needed a friend tonight.
After a while, he decided he was ready for bed and those long, lanky teenage legs stood up to tower over me. He stretched, took my Huey Lewis & the News Cd and started out of the room. He stopped, came back, hugged me, said "Love You" and was gone to bed. And just like that, a weeks worth of crap was just gone. Like it never happened.
The dictionary on our shelf in my office defines happiness as the quality or state of being happy; pleasure; contentment; joy.
Tonight, through one sweet 14 year old boy with curly brown hair and freckles, I found my happiness. I remembered why I get up every day, why I do the things I do. I do it for moments like this. Moments like this make the best memories. Moments like that make this life so wonderful. I live for these moments with my family. The family that Hoss and I have worked so hard to build. We have something special and I know it.
I was reminded that others do not control my happiness, I do. I will always remember tonight, long after it fades in my son's mind. He has no idea how he saved me tonight, how his thoughtfulness touched my heart. He will never know what tonight meant to me.
Tonight I remembered why I should be happy. I should be happy because I am so blessed. I have the most wonderful children you could ask for. I have a husband who loves me like no other. I have family, mostly adopted but some blood related, that love me and will always be there for us. And friends, oh the wonderful friends we have! But mostly, I should be happy because God gave me this chance to have the life I did not have as a child and He loved me so. And I am happy! For all those things and so much more!
To those who try and tear me down, I am so sorry you are so unhappy that you have to try and cause trouble for those of us who have what you do not. You can have it too. His name is Jesus. Call me, I will tell you all about Him. He's the greatest.
Goodnight everyone, may your life be a happy one.
Love,
Sandy
This child has a little too much of his late Uncle Charlie in him
for his own good!! But I sure love him!!
