You see this little sawed off piece of spunk and spitfire?
This is the way I met my middle child Erin. She was barely 9 at the time, being raised solely by her Daddy along with her older sister, Jessica. Though its hard to see in this picture, the day I met her she had a skinned knee, a smirk on her face & those pigtails you see where my doing to try and gain some ground on her unruly hair. She was the living embodiment of the term "tomboy"! She was a Daddy's girl if ever one lived but she was also yearning for something else. She wanted a Mom.
Erin used to ask women in the grocery store if they were single cause her Daddy needed a new wife and she needed a new mom. Yeah, poor Hoss. They meant well but its hard to explain to young kids that you can't just pick out a new mom at the store!
I knew Erin all of 3 days when she asked me, while floating in a lake, if she could call me Mom. I was thrown off guard at first and didn't really know what to say to her. I didn't want to upset her but it was definitely too soon to know of things were going to work out with her Daddy or not. I just told her that Ms. Sandy was good for now but that I sure thought she was a great kid. And man was she!
She was just so hungry for a real mom, God love her. Hoss was and still is a great Dad and the girls were so blessed to have him step up and carry that weight alone all those years but she still wanted what every little girl wants. A mom of her own.
Erin was so ready to have someone help her pick out clothes and braid her hair. Someone to read her stories (Llama Llama Red Pajama!). Someone who would let her sneak in the bed with them at night for no real reason other than to snuggle. Someone who helped her with homework and made dinner for her whole family to enjoy around the table every night. Someone to remind her not to scratch when she had a horrible case of chicken pox and someone who was at every assembly and awards show beaming with pride. Someone to be there for first dances, first loves and first heartbreaks. The funny thing is, yes, she needed me but I needed her too.
You see, I already had 3 kids of my own when I took on the job of Mother to Jessica and Erin. I chose them when I married their Dad. (A fact Erin likes to be sure the other children never forget! I CHOSE her, I got stuck with them! LOL) I chose to be the mom they both deserved and wanted. A choice I have never once regretted nor will I ever.
It has not always been a smooth road. There have been a lot of someone else mistakes I have had to clean up and help them deal with but they rose above it. Both my girls have grown so much over these years and I just love them so! They have helped me to be a better mother than I ever dared dream I would be. They have shown me a capacity for love that I just didn't know existed. We don't need a piece of paper to know I am their Momma. They may not have my blood in their veins but they carry my heart with them where ever they go and they know that. That's all that matters at the end of the day after all isn't it? Blood may be thicker than water but LOVE is thicker than blood!
Today, I had to let my Erin go. Now I know its not forever, its just to college, but tonight it feel so empty without her here. I can't bare to even look in her and Sarah' room because I know her stuff is gone and so is she. She just lights up this house with her smiles and her infectious laughter. So much like her Daddy it's scary but enough like me to be hilarious! I am missing my sarcastic partner in crime as I type this. She has already called me 3 times since we left her at La Tech this afternoon but its just not the same. I'm sure as she adjusts to campus life, those calls will get fewer and fewer. It just happens that way.
I don't feel I have had enough time to be her Momma. She is off in the world on her own now and I am here wondering where the years have gone once again. So many things left to tell her, to teach her, to make sure she knows. I can only hope she carries the lessons and values her Dad & I have taught her with her wherever life takes her. She knows I love her, she knows I will always be there, I will never leave her. Even if she needs to move on and start her life, I will be here, waiting just in case she needs her Momma. Just in case.
Look out world, here comes my girl!!! Hope you're ready cause she's something else!!
Momma loves you Bob, go get 'em Baby!
PS. Daddy loves you too.
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