Our Silicon Marriage

When we got married, my love gave me his late mother's bridal set and his father gave me his golden band to give Hoss. I have always cherished my sweet mother-in-laws rings, even though I never had the joy of knowing her personally. She was a wonderful, beautiful woman and the fact that Hoss wanted me to wear her rings just made me feel so very special. I know what she meant to him and it showed me how deeply he loved and trusted me. I will guard those rings closely the rest of my life and he feels the same way about the one his mother so lovingly gave his father all those years ago. Neither of us wear our rings often because, well, mine are tight these days and he has always been worried about injury or losing his.

A few days back some new wedding band from Qalo.com arrived in the mail. I was so excited because they are so cool! These bands are designed for active people, people with dangerous jobs, (like Hoss) or just folks who can't wear metal bands for whatever reason. Qalo bands are made of silicon and are just the best! Ours are their Thin Red Line series designed for firemen. I purchased one for Hoss and one for myself, seeing as I am a proud Fire Wife. 

When the rings arrived I tried mine on and was amazed at how stretchy it was but also at how it snapped right back to be a perfect, weightless fit on my finger. Then when something occurred to me. These rings were just perfect for Hoss and I. 

Our marriage is indeed like our new rings. These rings are totally ours. No one has ever worn them before, they came into this marriage just like we did, ready for whatever adventure life holds! While life has certainly stretched us to what seemed like the limit from time to time, we always snap right back into shape. Never breaking, only bending when we needed to. Even the way it feels is like us. We don't have to smother each other to know we are loved. Love should be lightweight and feel like the most natural thing in the world. 

The red line that runs in the middle of both bands represents the commitment we have not only to each other but to his passion and his line of duty. As the wife of a fireman I can promise you that commitment needs to come from both of us. His commitment to service and mine to him as he serves. Wholeheartedly and without reservation, I have his back and he always protects me, as it should be.

These small bands you see in my hand represent our marriage so well. They represent us in every way possible. No matter what situation life throws at us, we tighten our grip, set our hearts to the end goal and never let anything break the bond we share. Some days we have to stretch a little make it work but we never give up. We have been through so much over the years but our bond is a strong as ever.  

Strong and built to go the distance, these rings are just like us. 

"SOMEBODY"

Seems all some folks can say talk about these days is somebody.  Been hearing a lot of somebody should have been there, somebody should have helped, somebody should do something lately and it has gotten me to thinking about this issue.

Have you ever stopped to think about what you are saying when you see that homeless man begging and you think "somebody will bring him some food" as you hurry on your way to yoga class? Or how "somebody" should do something about those kids who you see after school hours just roaming the streets as you drop your child off at dance? Better yet, "somebody" should have gotten to that fire call faster and done more to help that family who just lost everything, all while you live across the street from the station and have never darkened the door.

You are right, you know. Somebody should have stepped up. That somebody should have been you.

In the middle of the very word somebody are the letters m & e. Together those letters spell Me. Every time you say somebody what you are really saying is you should be doing whatever it is you think needs done.

Before you complain about kids roaming, ask yourself, is there a local program that might need more volunteers in order to let more kids into the program? Ask yourself is there a talent I have that I could teach to those kids, some books I could read to them, some time I could invest so that they know somebody cares? I bet there is.

Before you shift your eyes downward at the homeless person, ask yourself, do I really need that latte more than they need a sandwich? Do I need that $100 pair of jeans more than they need a blanket to keep out the cold? Ask yourself is there a shelter, a food bank, a church outreach that I could invest my time into so that they know somebody cares? I bet there is.

And lastly, before you complain about a perceived slow response to an emergency call, (be it a medical one, a police run or a fire call), ask yourself when the last time you jumped out of bed at 3am to the sound of a shrill alarm, or left a meal at a restaurant you just paid for, perhaps your first of the day & its now 4 pm, donned protective gear, fought traffic that refuses to yield to you even though your lights and sirens blare? Ask yourself when was the last time you held a mother back with all your might because your fellow firemen where trying to gain entry and save her child all while she fights you to go in herself? Ask yourself when did you last help fix a broken truck because a mechanic to do it just isn't in the tiny budget you have to work with? Ask yourself if there is anything, anything at all you can do to help the emergency workers in your community? I bet there is.

I know there is. Know why I know? Because you are Somebody. I am Somebody. I come from a long line of Somebodies. Somebodies who see a need and fill it. We don't do for the praise or the glory. We do it because its the right thing to do. After all, Somebodies got to do it, right?

It easy to act like others are not doing right when in fact they are doing more than you are. How would you know they are not doing all they can when you are doing nothing yourself? All you are doing is complaining about a job you aren't even willing to do your own self. This is what's wrong with our world today. Way too much finger pointing and not enough hand lifting.

The simple truth is this. I know some folks can't physically herd children, fight fires, or stand out for hours handling out blankets but everyone and I mean everyone can contribute something. If you are not willing to volunteer your time, your talents, your resources or your money, then you have no right to complain about how things are handled. And you have zero right to critique those who do step up. Zero.

Next time you feel the urge to complain, check yourself. Ask what you can do to fix the problem. Maybe you can't do it on your own, but you sure as heck won't fix it if you never try.

"It's Those Damn Foreigners! They Need To Go Back Where They Came From!"

Pretty inflammatory title, huh? Bound to catch some attention, raise some eyebrows, that sort of thing. Good. I hope it does because I want the entire world to read what lesson I am about to teach.

Yesterday while making a visit to the town that will be our new home, Hoss, the youngest 2 children and I were verbally accosted by a woman whom we do not know, for reasons we also do not know. Her exact words to us after my husband smiled at her and said "Howdy", where "Get the HELL out of Ball" as she angrily stormed past us into in the building we had just come out of.

 Now, assuming there are some people reading this that are unfamiliar with the term howdy, I  can assure you it is a greeting that simply means hello. Add the warm, big smile Hoss has to it and there is a less than zero chance that the greeting can be construed as anything but nice and inviting.  

As this person left our person space, I turned to my husband in shock and asked him to clarify what I just knew I could not have heard. He told me my ears did not lie to me & that she had even told him to go home at the meeting in which he was hired, telling the "outsider" to "go home"  while hurling several other expletives his direction. I was shocked to say the least. I knew some did not want us in Ball because they are mad but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be taken as far as it was on that sidewalk, in front of my children. This woman, then opened the door, screamed her name at us and once again, angrily stormed off.

Please recall that we have never met this woman. We have never interacted with her on any level. We have done absolutely nothing to this woman to make her react so violently, so rudely, so hatefully towards us and our children. Nothing.  All we have done is apply for a job, got the job, and are in the process of moving there, paying taxes there, shopping there, etc. Bare this in mind as I continue this post. 

Flash forward to this morning, here in Winnsboro, La. I decide to stop in at our local Subway for a sandwich for my son and I. As I arrived there is a woman who appears to be having some issue with her credit card not working and had gone to her car to call the company. She comes back into the restaurant, walks to the register and proceeds to tell the manager (I know this is the lady that runs it, seen her many many times) "its those DAMN foreigners! They need to go back where they came from!" as she pays for her sandwich finally. To which the manager agrees with her, mentioning how "they" can't speak the language, etc. It is at this point, that I lost my temper.

I turned to the lady and said "You know what? Half of my family was forced onto Reservations and the other half came over on a boat and I take MAJOR offence to what you just said!" 

This woman has the nerve to turn to me, obviously not understanding what I actually said, and says "that's what I mean! Its those foreigners!" At this point the manager, who is smart enough to catch my meaning, although its not like it was muddled, starts backing out of the conversation.

I then proceed to explain to this ignorant woman that unless she is a 100 % Native American, which she clearly is NOT, that she herself came from IMMIGRANTS and she should be ashamed of herself. I told her that this entire country was started by immigrants and that her attitude was extremely offensive!  I also told her that had it not been for Immigrants, she herself would not be here to complain about it now!  She stuttered, grabbed her sandwich and dang near ran out the door. Guess she wasn't expecting the Great Great-Grandchild of an Native man to nail her in the Subway for being an idiot. The manager tried to change the subject then another employee walked in and she shoved me off on them under the guise of having to go get an employee (her son) for work. 

I told the other employee what happened and that I was no a happy camper. I was told by that employee that sometimes you just have too "let things go". I told her no I did not. Because it was wrong and I have a problem with wrong. I will not be visiting that Subway again. Not because of the customer because you can't help what walks in your door but because the manager joined in the hate and I was told it was not a big deal. 

Now, I have an honest question for anyone who reads this blog. How many of you read the 1st part and got angry at how unfairly this one woman treated me & my family? I would venture a guess most of you did. Why is that? Because it was wrong of that woman to act the way she did to total strangers who have done nothing to her personally. 

Now, another question. How many of you think the words of the customer and manager at Subway where wrong? Not as many as who think the woman on the sidewalk was wrong, I would be willing to bet. Why is that? The two incidences are the same. 

Some will argue that what happened to me is not the same as the woman in Subway but the truth is, its the exact same hate. It's hate people. Hate. Unfounded, unnecessary, hate. That woman showed us how much she hates us though she has no legitimate reason to do so. The women in Subway showed me how much they hate immigrants even though they have no legitimate reason to do so. 

The woman on the sidewalk hates us because of things she has been told that are untrue. She hates us because we aren't "from there" and are "outsiders". Most of y'all know us. You know how hard working we are. You know we are very community minded. You know we are a good, honest family. She thinks otherwise and for no reason. That's not right is it? No it's not. 

When you spout off about people who immigrate here to the USA, you are no better than that woman who was hateful to us. You are being mean to someone mother, someones child, someones husband or wife. You lump every immigrant into one box and you label them. Just like she has done with us. 

So many people come here legally. They pay taxes, they work hard, they just want a new life and a chance. They aren't asking you to be their best friend but I personally don't think just basic human decency is asking too much. Just like we are asking from the town we are moving to. 

I refuse, do you hear me, refuse to judge the entire town of Ball based on the actions of one person. I also refuse to judge all immigrants based on the ones who are here illegally and cause trouble. Guess what? People who where born here cause trouble too. 

Don't assume because I am white, straight and vote Independent that I agree with you because I don't. Hate is wrong. It has never been right and it never will be. 

Think about what you are showing someones child when you spew hate at people you don't even know. Think about what you are saying about your community, your church, your own family when you spew hate at someone you don't even know. Think about it. 

Jesus said love thy neighbor not only love the neighbor who was born where you were. 

I didn't post this to start an immigration debate. I posted it so you can see that what happened to us happens to others in the country every day, many, many times over. It is wrong. Immigrants aren't the problem. Outsiders aren't the problem. 

The condition of our hearts is the problem.