I Am The Fireman's Wife

I Am The Fireman's Wife

 

 

I am thankful. This is not always been an easy walk for me, it never will be. I am thankful for the journey though.

 

I am disappointed. He has missed family gatherings, weddings, dinner dates, birthdays, & many holidays due to shift schedules, training & overtime.

 

I am patient. There has been many a visit to the station, many a meal taken to the fire house for him, that sit, getting cold while we wait for him to return from a call. All while the kids are hungry & cranky and I have tons of things to do myself.

 

I am nervous. I wake up in the middle of the night to noises and don't have the comfort of my husband beside me to make it okay.

 

I am tired. The house is full of sick kids and broken appliances & there is no relief in site because Dad is pulling a double shift.

 

I am jealous. Jealous of all those women whose husbands came home at 5:30, to have dinner, help around the house, & hold them at the end of their day.

 

I am worried. I worry that he may not come home one day. I try to just shove that fear down deep somewhere and pretend I don't feel it.

 

I am content. We decided long ago that I would stay home and raise our children. We don't have a lot of money or things. It is the greatest freedom I have ever known and I would not have it any other way.

 

I am incompetent.  I once thought I was a relatively intelligent person. I now struggle to remember where I left my keys, my phone, my purse, that paper I needed and yes, sometimes even a kid.

 

I am waiting.  Always waiting. Waiting to see if he is going to get home in time for whatever event we are supposed to be heading to. Waiting on him to call home because I hate calling him, it seems he is always to busy to talk. Waiting by the scanner, listening to hear his voice. Waiting on things to get fixed that are daily piling up. Waiting for his attention. Waiting on that phone call every wife never wants to get. Someday that phone could ring for me.

 

I am doubting. Some days I doubt God hears my prayers. I doubt everyday I am not the kind of wife he needs me to be.

 

I am trusting. Trusting not only my husband but trusting that he will come home again. Trusting that God is with the both of us no matter what.

 

I am confident,  I am lonely, I am not as young or as pretty as I used to be,
 I am overworked and I am underpaid.

 

I am the Fireman's Wife. And I love him.